Because of these,everything is approximately 107x slipperier.
Doorknobs= door + water
Pencil= pencil + water
Book= soggy book
Ice= double ice
Handshake= hands + slip 'n slide
For years I've had the great misfortune of watching people wipe their own hands after shaking mine. It kind of put me in an awkward position. On one hand (ha-ha), I could say I have a condition. But then people keep a noticeable distance from me, fearing that I may sweat on them. On the other hand, I could lie and say I'm nervous. In the end, though, I've decided to look for alternative greeting techniques. Thus far, there is only one possibility.
The fist bump.
Remember this?
Unlike other basic methods of greeting, the fist bump has infinite variations. According to this website, there are at least 35. (My favorite is the "Napoleon Bonapound"). The fist bump is an ingenious invention. No more having to worry about sweaty hands, palm germs, or if people used soap after peeing. This is raw knuckle action, man.
In this article, fist bumping is said to have originated in the 1970's with NBA players. (Though arguably it is credited to the Wonder Twins in Superfriends). Wherever it came from, the act of fist bumping is surprisingly easier to pull off than a high-five.
Say no to high-fives.
So anyway, let's all push for a National Fist Bump day in honor of those with slightly less socially-acceptable hands. Mmkay? How 'bout August 10th?
Also, this is the greeting of the future:
