Anyway, have you ever heard of this book?
Truly an epic of epic proportions.
Well if you haven't read the first three novels in the trilogy (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, and Life, the Universe, and Everything) then I'm afraid I have some very, very bad news for you: not only have you NOT lived a fulfilling life to date, but you also have no notion of the word, 'random', and you might as well continue to flail about your meaningless existence with espresso machines for limbs, because that is how useless you should feel without having read these books.
Just look at his importance: he has fists growing out of his forehead.
Yes, Douglas Adams is important. I'm not even going to explain anything about his works, because they speak *loudly* for themselves about the nature of the universe, as well as other important things. In fact, his books are considered to be of such monumental importance, that many who have both read the series and scaled Mount Everest have found the two experiences incomparable. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is simply that important.
An amusing movie adaption of the first few books was made before Mr. Adams died. In fact, he even wrote the screenplay. Here's a snippet of the song which plays when the Earth explodes. MEMORIZE IT. AND THEN SING IT TO YOUR KIDS.
I will find this banjoist and he will play this song at my funeral.
So this is all an elaborate buildup to an explanation of my favorite character in the entire Hitchhiker's Guide series. THE ENTIRE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE SERIES. His name is Bowerick Wowbagger.
Bowerick Wowbagger is an immortal being who became immortal due to an accident with "an irrational particle accelerator, a pair of rubber bands and a liquid lunch". He spends his infinite life insulting every living thing in the universe in alphabetical order. At one point during the novel, he informs the main character (Arthur Dent) that he is a complete asshole. And then he freaking flies away!
I don't much care for lemons. Jerks.
Bowerick Wowbagger is my hero. He spends lifetimes doing things you probably shouldn't spend lifetimes doing. Just. Can you imagine traveling around in a spaceship called the Tanngrisnir, letting everyone know that they're horrible? It'd be the best thing ever! But also really mean. I'm sure most people don't deserve to be called jerks. Still, on the worst of days, the idea is most tempting.
I guess that's all. Next time, I'll have something more profound to say. In the meantime, here's a picture of a little kid hugging a kitten to restore your faith in humanity:
Awwww. Kittens are jerks, too. So ungrateful.
